One of our preferred lenders sent this to us for a little laugh, the sad thing is most of these are true. All loans are unique in the Albuquerque Real Estate market so this is not an example of how they all are processed. Our Q Realty, Inc. agents have many wonderful loan officers to recommend that have processed several successful transactions. Please call us today if you are in need of recommendations!
Borrower: Otherwise intelligent consumer who believes lender should kiss him on both cheeks and give him the money – without all this credit report nonsense.
Closer: This person’s only job is to salvage forty or fifty emergencies at the last moment of every end of month. This person is rarely sane.
Closing Date: Put into purchase contracts to give the closer fits of hysterical laughter.
Credit Report: Basis for advanced creative writing by Processor and buyer since white-out doesn’t work anymore.
Escrow Officer: A humorless individual who is only truly happy when they can blame the late closing on the lender.
Fannie Mae: Government agency run by ex-stripper.
Freddie Mac: Type of hamburger consumed in cars by loan officers.
Ginny Mae: Type of alcoholic beverage consumed in large quantities by mortgage employees.
Good Faith Estimate: Standard document which a loan officer presents to the buyer to confuse them further.
Loan Application: A document which mysteriously causes amnesia to the borrower concerning income, credit, bills, and ex-spouses.
Loan Officer: Highly qualified financial analyst who typically developed these skills while selling used cars, selling real estate, or encyclopedias.
Processor: Overworked, underpaid person who collects the garbage received from the loan officer and transforms it into a real loan. These individuals are known to consume massive amounts of candy, popcorn, and cookies.
Rate: This figure is always higher than the buyer’s uncle or Realtor thinks it should be.
Realtor: Highly trained professional who nevertheless has trouble figuring out how to subtract the down payment from the sales price to get the loan amount.
Underwriter: Conscientious employee otherwise known as “God”. Their most difficult task is responding to loan agent’s explanations of poor credit and income history while maintaining a straight face.
Courtesy of Jason Pike, First Mortgage Company